Becoming Someone I Needed
“I came to the realization that if I wanted something different for my story, I had to make different choices, even if they were small.”
Growth isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always come with big announcements or visible changes that people can see. Sometimes growth is quiet and it comes with the small decisions you make every day, the moments of when you choose yourself even when it’s difficult.
For a long time now I always thought that growth meant perfection, that I had to be perfect. I thought it meant to never make mistakes, always having everything figured out, and to be the best version of myself everyday all the time. But I've now seen that growth looks and feels very different; growth is going to be messy; growth is going to be uncomfortable. Most importantly growth is going to take time, it doesn't just happen overnight, it takes time. A lot of people can be seen to be inpatient when it comes down to growth, and let me tell you I was one of those people.
I used to be one of those students who would slack off when it comes down to turning work in, asking questions in class when not understanding the content, not going to after school check-ins for help. I was definitely one of those students who would hide and not want to be seen as “oh she's stupid” or “ oh she’s slow,” someone who doesn't understand anything. I thought the best choice to avoid all of that was to hide but that didn't work well for me so I wanted to change. I only wanted to change and grow better for myself because I've seen how it would affect me and only make my mindset weaker.
There were many things that pushed me to change and grow better for myself but I believe the main points for me were how I would show up and who I would surround myself with. There were times felt stuck like I wasn't becoming the person I wanted to become, and having that feeling made me reflect on myself more.
I came to the realization that if I wanted something different for my story, I had to make different choices, even if they were small. A big part of my growth came from the people who supported me. Ms. Golden played a role in reminding me of who I am and what I'm capable of, even when I doubted myself, and Ms. Ortiz and Ms. Estevez noticed the changes in me before I even saw them. Last but not least Ms. Mickey saw something in me even when I couldn’t see it in myself. She pushed me, not just to be better at dancing or being a student, but to be stronger mentally and emotionally. Even when I was struggling, she never gave up on me and that made it harder for me to give up on myself.
Even the small things like being told I seem more focused or more confident helped me realize that I was growing. Some of my inspiration also came from within. I got tired of feeling like I had to be perfect, and I started wanting peace instead of pressure. That shift in mindset made me start choosing myself more, setting boundaries, and putting effort into becoming better rather than being perfect.
One thing I will say is that it's not easy to shift that mindset but it is definitely worth the progress. Something that’s always said is “progress over perfection” and now I understand why. Growth isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about showing up, learning, and continuing to move forward even when it’s hard. And even now, I’m still growing. There are still days where I doubt myself, where I feel like I’m not doing enough, or that I’m falling back into old habits. But the difference is, I don’t stay there anymore. I recognize those moments, and I push through them instead of letting them define me. Growth doesn’t mean you never struggle again, it just means you handle those struggles differently.
Looking back at who I used to be, I can see the difference not in a perfect way, but in a real way. I show up more. I try more. I believe in myself more than I used to. And even though I’m not where I want to be yet, I’m proud of how far I’ve come, because at the end of the day, this is what growth really looks like. It’s choosing to keep going. It’s choosing yourself. It’s becoming someone I needed, one step at a time. Now this is me still climbing, still learning, but no longer afraid of the journey because this growth, this progress, this person I’m becoming…is mine.