“Ask him how his day is going. Ask him about his sneakers. Ask him about being a chef. Ask him about himself. You might find out that the person you thought you knew because you see him every day is actually someone you never knew at all.”
What do you really know about the man you see everyday? The one you might say good morning and goodbye to? How much do you pay attention to the people around you besides your favorite friends and teacher?
The truth is that the most familiar person in the school building is maybe not the most known. Everyone might not see their favorite teacher everyday, but what is certain is that you will walk through the doors of Comp Sci High and always see Jay. He greets you with a warm good morning or a smile, or something that will make you laugh. Stop reading and think for a second about a fact about Jay that you know. Maybe you can’t, because even though you see Jay every day, you might not care enough to talk to him about your life. How is a person you see everyday basically a stranger to you?
Don't get me wrong, there are so many people who actually talk to Jay and know him. I asked a student I know who talks to Jay a lot how he feels, and he told me: "Jay is a chill person, he is my guy, I feel I can talk to him about anything." Why wouldn't you want a person like that in your life, someone who is there for you and willing to listen to you in your hard times and give you good advice?
Let me ask you once more: what do you know about Jay? Think really hard about this.
Did you know he is a sneakerhead and that, according to him, he "has the one of the best shoe games in the whole building"?
Did you know he grew up in the Bronx?
Did you know that he used to be a chef for 10 years?
Did you know he lived in Texas and Baltimore?
Did you know that he struggled in math just like almost every student?
While I was interviewing Jay, six people came to him to talk in the span of 30 minutes. Jay is such a vibrant, comforting, and friendly person, and he attracts way more people than you would know who come and talk to him. Even if they have nothing to say or they want to spill their whole lives to him he listens, makes people laugh and gives them advice. While we were talking, Ms. Ytuarte entered the conversation and stated, "He is a catalogue of people's business, and he's kind with it and even follows up on people's stories."
That made me think about the type of person Jay really is. There are a lot of people in this building who you see every day, but there are not a lot of people who actually remember what you told them. Jay does. He remembers people's stories and asks about them later. He knows what is going on in people's lives, not because he is trying to be nosy, but because he actually cares.
It also explains why so many people feel comfortable stopping by to talk to him. It isn't like they are just saying good morning and continuing on with their day. Some people actually stop and stay for a while. They talk to him about their problems, their friends, school, or whatever else is going on in their lives. For a person whose job is to make sure everyone entering the building is safe, Jay has somehow also made himself one of the people students feel safest talking to.
But before Jay is the person standing at the front of Comp Sci every morning, he has a whole life that most students would never guess.
He grew up in the Bronx just like many of the students and even teachers that walk through the doors of Comp Sci High everyday. He went to college for civil engineering because of his interest in art and architecture. These are not things you would know just by walking past him every morning. You would probably never guess that the same person checking students through scanning spent years in a kitchen or went to college with an interest in designing and building things.
Jay will tell you himself that he has some of the best shoe game in the building, and considering how much students care about sneakers, that alone gives him something else to connect with them about. It is another example of how much there is to learn about someone when you actually take the time to talk to them.
The more I talked to Jay, the more I realized that his story isn't really about being a security guard. It is about everything that happened before he became the person we see standing at those doors every morning. It is about the places he has lived, the jobs he has had, the things he struggled with, the things he is passionate about, and the people he has met along the way. And maybe that is why students connect with him so easily.
Jay has been a student who struggled with math. He has been a college student trying to figure out what he wanted to do. He has worked in a kitchen. He has his interests, his stories and his own experiences. He isn't just the person who tells you where to go or makes sure you scan into the building. He is a person who has gone through his own ups and downs, just like the students walking past him.
The funny thing is that we probably would have never known any of this if we didn't ask. People are so used to seeing Jay that they no longer really see Jay. People see the security guard at the entrance. They see someone who is always there. But there is a difference between seeing someone and actually knowing them.
Jay knows a lot about the people who walk through those doors. He knows their stories, remembers their problems and follows up with them later. He has become someone people can talk to without even realizing how important that is.
So the next time you walk through scanning and Jay gives you a good morning, maybe don't just keep walking.
Ask him how his day is going. Ask him about his sneakers. Ask him about being a chef. Ask him about himself. You might find out that the person you thought you knew because you see him every day is actually someone you never knew at all.