“I didn't choose to grow up without speaking Spanish. My mom speaks it, my dad understands it, and I grew up around Puerto Rican family and culture. Still, the language became weaker as it passed through generations of my family. Not speaking Spanish may affect how other people see my identity and how easily I can communicate with people like my grandma, but it doesn't erase the culture and experiences my family has been through.”
When people approach me, they sometimes assume I speak Spanish.When I have to stop them and explain that I don't speak the language, I usually get a surprised look. At New Years parties, I couldn't speak to most of my uncles or aunties because they all spoke Spanish. It felt awkward and isolating. At my internship orientation,we had to introduce ourselves and say what languages we speak. When it was my turn I said I was Puerto Rican and spoke English and Spanish, even though I speak no Spanish. I said it because I didn't want to get a surprised look or feel ashamed. When I look back on these experiences, it makes me wonder: is it because I'm Puerto Rican that I'm supposed to understand Spanish?
Growing up I didn't speak Spanish, but I still lived the culture. I usually spent most of my childhood in Spanish Harlem visiting my Puerto Rican grandma. We would walk around and see murals of different people and things until we got to Central Park. On a hot day I would get an icycold before heading to the park to hang out with my cousins and random kids that were there. As I grew older I stopped going as much, and once COVID hit I stopped going completely. I really haven't gone back since.
As I've gotten older, more people have approached me assuming I speak Spanish. Sometimes they ask me for directions, and I have to apologize and say "sorry, I don't speak Spanish.” They often give me a shocked look and then leave. I'd love to help them but I can't. My own family has been called whitewashed or implied and referred to me as a "no sabo kid." It's confusing because I can't completely deny what they're saying, but at the same time, speaking a language shouldn't determine your entire identity. The ability to speak Spanish, regardless of how Hispanic you are, can sometimes feel like a golden ticket to being accepted as Hispanic.
Even when I speak to my own grandma, I don't always understand what she is saying. Sometimes I just say yes and smile or I look surprised, or say "oh wow." Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever had a full conversation with my grandma. Even when I ask her to do something for me, it can be hard for her to understand me. Since I usually ask her for the same things, she has learned what I mean based on certain words and the way I pronounce them. We still have ways to communicate, but there is still a language barrier between us.
When it comes to my parents, my mom’s first language was Spanish, but she also speaks English fluently and understands both English and Spanish. My dad speaks English and doesn't speak Spanish, although he understands it.
During my summer job, I was having a conversation with my boss when he asked me if I spoke Spanish. I gave the usual answer: no. He then asked me if my mom speaks Spanish, and I said yes. When he asked about my dad, I explained that he doesn't speak it but he understands it. My boss told me that usually the first generation speaks and understands the language, the second generation can somewhat speak and understand it, and the third generation loses it completely. When he said that, it made me wonder why this happens and if it happens with other languages besides Spanish, and how losing a language can affect families.
Evidence from the New York City government shows how languages other than English are spoken at home in New York City. About half of New York speak only English at home, while the other half speak another language. Amongst the New Yorkers that speak another language besides English at home, Spanish is the most common, with almost 2 million speakers. Chinese is another commonly used language, but much lower–with four hundred and sixty thousand speakers.
Language can affect relationships between family members. A study of parent adolescent language use and relationships among immigrant families with East Asian, Filipino, and Latin American backgrounds shows that more than 620 adolescents who spoke a different language from their parents reported less cohesion and discussion with their mothers and fathers, in comparison with adolescents who spoke the same language as their parents. A second study of 414 adolescents from Latin American and Asian backgrounds found that heritage-language skill was linked to stronger relationships with parents, but just using the language was not. This shows that being able to understand and communicate in a family's language may matter for family relationships.
After looking at this, I also wanted to understand why people speak different languages in the first place. One of the answers I found was in a TedTalk video that explained that humans migrated to different places which started separating their languages over time, as people adapted to different environments and communities.
Another reason later generations can lose their family's language is pressure to speak English and fit into American society. In her article, “What Mamita Leaves Behind,” the writer Gabriella Ferrigine talks about growing up without speaking Spanish. Her family lived in a mostly white neighborhood where her mother, aunts, and uncles dealt with discrimination. They were taught, "don't speak Spanish unless you are at home." Ferrigine later describes herself as being "terrified of Spanish."
Losing a language can happen because of pressure to fit in and doesn't always happen naturally. Ferrigine's mother, aunts, and uncles were discouraged from speaking Spanish outside their home because of the discrimination they experienced. Because they hid part of their culture, it became harder to pass the language down to the next generation. Ferrigine explains that most of her nearly 30 counts do not speak Spanish today. This shows how something experienced by one generation can continue to affect generations that come after them.
My experience is different from Ferrigines, but it has led me to the same question about how much language determines identity. I didn't choose to grow up without speaking Spanish. My mom speaks it, my dad understands it, and I grew up around Puerto Rican family and culture. Still, the language became weaker as it passed through generations of my family. Not speaking Spanish may affect how other people see my identity and how easily I can communicate with people like my grandma, but it doesn't erase the culture and experiences my family has been through.