The Power Is in Your Hands
“If you just sit in the misery, nothing is going to change, for the power is in your hands.”
On March 8th, 2023, I decided I wanted to walk my dog and grab something to eat. I had just got home. Not too long after I left my house, my sister’s best friend called me. I got the call that my sister was in Plattsburgh Hospital. My sister's best friend informed me my sister was hit by a car while on her campus. I started to cry at that moment, and I started having the biggest anxiety attack, rushing on my way home.
My mother called me crying saying, over and over “She was hit, they hit my baby.” I remember hearing the pain in my mother’s voice. Once I got home, my mother was already trying to figure a way to get there, and she called my aunt who lives a couple blocks down and she came and we already had our coats on, still crying, worried the whole ride. It felt like the feeling in your stomach before taking a big exam, but the feeling stayed with me, not leaving the whole ride to the hospital.
Once we got there, it was very cold. After around a 7 hour drive, we got to the emergency room, and we couldn't all see her. Only my mom went, and I sat there with my sister’s college friend, and he told me everything would be fine. I didn't want to hear it though. I finally got to see her; I went to her room with my mother, and my sister had tubes coming out her mouth, and they had thick heavy pillows to keep her head still, and all these machines hooked up to her. It was like a scene from a movie that's all it felt like because it didn't feel real.
I remember feeling like I lost my mind. Of course I cried. I mean what else could I do?
I just wanted my pain to be away, but it stayed. When they told us she had brain damage and she would need surgery, there was a lot of worry about if she could make it through the surgery. But I had hope. I knew she was strong and could get through it. I prayed in those days but it felt like talking to a wall. I carried hope throughout the whole thing hoping things would get better and back to normal but I had to see things for what it was and just hope that The Surgery didn't do any permanent damage.
We stayed in the hospital overnight; I still had school and my little sister to take care of. My mother didn't want me seeing my sister that way with all those tubes and her eyes just shut, feeling like I would lose. My sister just sat with me. My mother – I had never seen her cry so much. I remember feeling her pain and sadness. I didn't know how to support her. That hurt me too. My mom told me I would have to come back to the Bronx and take care of my 9 year old sister so that we could go to school and not miss out on work. My mother still cared about our education, and I respected that. She took us back, and I said goodbye to my sister, trying to hold tears back to no extent. We came back and my mom packed her things and went back to Plattsburgh. She told me everything would be okay, that this was only temporary.
Worried about my older sister, I was left to take care of my younger sister and so I took her to school in the morning, riding public transportation and getting myself to school as well. My life felt like it was falling apart. Adjusting to completing my work, waking up every morning to get my younger sister to school, and feeding her on my own, it felt as if I was an adult for a temporary amount of time. This made me more mature.
Eventually I realized that I needed to present myself in a way that doesn't separate me from being black but shows my intelligence and creativity. Being in 11th grade is the most important year of highschool. After I failed two classes my first trimester, I made a promise to myself that next trimester I'm going to start off strong and put my best foot forward. In order to remain disciplined I incorporated cooking into my day to day life. I would cook for the school. Cooking and selling food helps me make more money and people genuinely appreciate my food and like my cooking which makes me happy too see. When I cook it motivates me to also do better in life so I can better myself. That's why I value that I’m black and the culture that comes with it.
I continue to strive to be the best version of myself knowing that I pave the way for my future, and that I represent my family. My future is in my hands. Growing up I heard stories about Malcolm X and it has always touched my heart. Malcolm has been a role model for me because his story is powerful. He stood up for injustice in the system. He is someone that makes me want to do better in life especially as a black man. Everyday is a new challenge doing what I'm doing, coping with my life, and when I see other black people making it big or even accomplishing in life, it makes me keep doing me because one day I will make it out even if the system failed us.
If there anything I learned in life is that no matter what someone is going through in life, we shouldn’t give up. We should use it as motivation to strive for better and do the things we are passionate about. If you just sit in the misery, nothing is going to change, for the power is in your hands.