TikTok Trends, or Love?
“The more I get sucked into the rabbit hole with relationship advice the more I ask myself what really matters in a relationship.”
In today’s world, social media has a major impact on how we view ourselves and others, specifically in relationships. We use apps like TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. These platforms consistently show us a variety of opinions and advice that generally shape our view on what makes a relationship “healthy” or “toxic.” So in a world obsessed with social media, “Red flags” and “Icks" have become a heavy topic that often indicate deal breakers in a relationship. But what if these concepts, rather than being a dealbreaker, are simply reflections of unrealistic expectations that are fed to us from the content we consume online?
What are icks?
Icks is a lightly used term that has become viral on social media. An ick as small as a pea, like how someone laughs or how someone dresses, can be something that turns someone off in a relationship, and most times this “ick” can be irreversible and hard to ignore.
Examples:
Wearing no show socks
Chasing after a ball
Mid-top jordans
Allergic to pollen
Some of the icks are clearly unharmful, yet they are apparently deal breakers according to TikTok. This brings me back to my question; are icks really hardcore turn offs or are they a reflection of the unrealistic expectations social media has brainwashed us to believe?
It's important to differentiate pet peeves and genuine relationship concerns because if a person eats tuna or cottage cheese, is it a real reason to cut somebody off?
What are red flags ?
Typically in a relationship a “red flag” is described as a warning sign that suggests there is an issue or a long term problem concerning the person. It can be your significant other, friends or family. Social media has generalized these “red flags”. There's a tiktok that lists red flags in women. “5 '2 but says she’s 5' 3”, “drives a SUV”, “Name has 2+ a’s”. While they are meant to be humorous there are people that actually abide by this exaggeration.
An experience I've been enlightened to know about was about a friend. They had a boyfriend that was laid back and chill. Given advice by another friend, this “chill” attitude was seen as a red flag. However now that they have broken up, she realizes the laid back and chill attitude was simply just their personality.
This shows how we can let outside opinions affect how we view and shape our own relationship. While red flags shouldnt be ignored it's important to distinguish genuine and exaggerated concerns.
Genuine vs exaggerated red flags:
Let me make this clear: lack of respect is genuine, liking pineapple on pizza isn't (it's a preference not a flaw). Lack of communication, frequent spurges of anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. These are genuine red flags we have to watch for, in ourselves and in others.
Bad texter ❌
Disrespect ✔️
Cute guy bad style ❌
Lying ✔️
Man falling ❌
Female friend ✔️❌
The key difference is that genuine red flags indicate a deeper problem, a problem where you can get hurt mentally or physically, while these exaggerated red flags are preferences that are unrealistic and dramatized.
Conclusion:
When I reflect on the situations I've been in before, I realize how social media has impacted my relationships.
Previously I was in a relationship, and while it only lasted a couple months, I reflected on it and saw how much I expected in a partner. I wouldn't say I was in a toxic relationship but I would say that I wasn't the best person that I could've been. I placed blame on him, I always pointed out the mistakes he made and never my own. Generally I was a mean person. Finally, once I had gotten “fed up,” I unloaded on him.
I said “You never treated me right,” “I feel like you never gave me the love I deserve,” “you drain me,” “you have no common sense.” I thought I was finally going to be put out of my misery but instead I put him out of his misery. These were all products of the unrealistic image that TikTok and Instagram showed me on what I could have. While it's good to have standards it's also good to recognize that this other partner is going through life as well. Both of you are learning along the way. I was influenced by social media and I created these unrealistic expectations which led me to treat my partner badly.
Why are we letting social media guide our relationships? I don’t think I’m one to give advice because I too have been affected by the content. The more I get sucked into the rabbit hole with relationship advice, the more I ask myself what really matters in a relationship. Communication, respect, trust, compatibility, sure, but this is not always easy. Social media makes it sound easy but once you experience it, it really determines how committed you are. Are we letting ourselves be influenced by people who may not understand our different needs and our different personalities?
I see now that all I wanted is a perfect partner and maybe so do you. It's human for us to feel like that, that we need our other half, our missing rib; but going out looking for it specifically, searching for it desperately isn't going to get you into the right relationship you are destined for.